"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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