Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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