I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
