what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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