Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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