You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
