He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
