Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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