im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
