when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
