bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
