That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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