Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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