the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
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I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
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I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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