I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Randomize
