i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
