The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
