Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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