The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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