I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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