If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
