When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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