Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
