Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Randomize