Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
