as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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