She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
