was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
