I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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