I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I had to cum in my sink.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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