He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
