She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
