U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
