dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize