yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
