Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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