I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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