His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
