VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
