i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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