so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
