I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
