Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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