Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
