my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
