Umm I'm too high to move.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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