I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize