I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
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I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
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I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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