I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
