After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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