It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
