so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
