I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
