I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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