Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize