dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
