i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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