I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
