I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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