i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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