Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
should my penis look like a turkey
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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